Offence is a potent emotional response triggered by the belief that one has been wronged or slighted. It goes beyond annoyance, which is a milder irritation often caused by trivial matters. Offence carries a deeper emotional weight and can strain relationships, creating a barrier between individuals.
Understanding offence requires distinguishing it from the commonplace irritation we encounter. Offence penetrates deeper, leaving emotional scars and disrupting the harmony of relationships. It is crucial to recognize the subtle signs that set it apart from everyday annoyances.
Biblical Insights on Offence:
The Bible offers profound insights into the nature of offence and its causes.
Proverbs 18:19 cautions, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarrelling is like the bars of a castle.” This verse emphasizes the enduring nature of the offence and its potential to fortify walls between individuals.
Matthew 18:15 advises, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” This encourages a direct and open approach to resolving issues, highlighting the importance of addressing offences promptly and privately.
Proverbs 19:11 states, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offence.” Only when we dwell in the WORD and in being led by the Spirit of God can we notice the patterns, flow and traps
Recognizing Offence:
Identifying offence requires emotional intelligence and empathy. Signs may include withdrawal, a change in communication patterns, or a general sense of discomfort in interpersonal relationships. Being attuned to these cues can help in addressing issues before they escalate.
When we experience offence, our bodies and minds react in many ways. We may feel angry, sad, or hurt. Sometimes, we may have difficulty concentrating or sleeping. We may withdraw from others or lash out. These are all normal reactions to being offended.
Dealing with Offence from the Beginning:
- Pause and Reflect: Take a moment to reflect on the situation and your emotions. Consider whether the offence was intentional or a misunderstanding.
- Communicate: Engage in open and honest communication. Express your feelings calmly and listen actively to the other person’s perspective. Proverbs 15:1 wisely states, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
- Practice Forgiveness: Ephesians 4:32 encourages us to “be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Forgiveness releases the grip of offence, fostering healing and reconciliation.
- Choose Empathy Over Retaliation: Instead of retaliating, strive to understand the other person’s point of view. Proverbs 19:11 reminds us, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offence.”
- Seek Mediation if Necessary: If resolution seems elusive, consider involving a neutral third party to mediate the conversation. Proverbs 24:6 advises, “For by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in the abundance of counsellors, there is victory.”
- Believers & hurt: “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. Matthew 18:15-20
Concluding Words
Offence is an inevitable part of the human experience, but how we handle it defines the quality of our relationships. By understanding its nature, recognizing early signs, and employing biblical principles, we can navigate offence with grace, fostering a culture of understanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Remember, as the proverb goes, “The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”
As the scripture unravels, we gain clarity on the roots of this emotion, empowering us to address it at its source. “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13) serves as a guiding principle, urging us to approach offence with a spirit of forgiveness.
To believers, it is not healthy to be hurt and think it is just okay because you think so. For as much as you believe in forgiveness, believe in correction. Think, what if someone had to meet you to learn of things they think are normal but are not?
What if you let them go as they are without a lesson, only to meet a situation that, if they had learned of earlier, would have built them? What if your encountering them was to build, stretch or teach you of your own tolerance or patience muscles? Something to think about.
Note
What I am saying is not to go around correcting people, but as the Spirit give you wisdom and words to say; when He gives you courage to speak, speak boldly. Not to hurt but to build.
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
And if offence rose from the point of faith and beliefs; relations and personal values; it is wise to think before answering. It is best to listen but not be fast to judge. If the others are wrong, it is best to ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and teach you how best to answer or not to answer back at all. If we are in situations where we can not uplift, build, teach or influence for better; keeping quiet when pushed to answer is wisdom.
Remember;
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.
The first step to overcoming offence is to become aware of our triggers. What are the things that tend to set us off? Once we know our triggers, we can start to develop strategies for managing our reactions. For example, if we know that we’re particularly sensitive to criticism, we can practice responding to criticism calmly and rationally.
Above all, always ask (pray) and listen to the Holy Spirit when spoken to, for not everything is worth answering. And as a wise man once said, never reply or respond when angry.
For more on offence click here or here
Discover more from Yours, Karah
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.